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skathach
15 August 2005 @ 09:23 pm


You are Black
What color are you? (Anime Pictures)

brought to you by Quizilla
 
 
skathach
30 July 2005 @ 10:33 pm
Balance is stagnation. If everything was perfectly balanced, then nothing would ever be able to move; for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, and all that. This proves that in order for people, animals, vegetables and minerals to evolve as the organism/object they are, there must be imbalance. Take that, neo-Wiccan-fluff-wanks.

You know what occurred to me? Given the actual gruesome details of the stories written by the brothers Grimm, the whole Snow White thing could really have happened. If a body was left in a hermetically sealed glass container, no bacteria/decomposers could enter, as proved by Louis Pasteur. So, when you read the 'fairytale' of Snow White, what you are actually dealing with is a bunch of scientifically advanced little freaks who were so reluctant to let go of their beloved, that they preserved her, until a future act of necrophilia/necromancy on her preserved corpse (by the prince, the first to open the coffin), could restore her for all time. Not only that, all the animals were mourning pretty deeply; if necrophilia was evident, who is to say beastiphilia is at all a strech?

Remember that next time you want to read this story to the little 'uns. Do you really want to be giving them ideas like that?

I'm bored, like you can't tell. And freezing. Yes, even fat people feel the cold! Well this one does, at least. Which is strange, I have enough fucking blubber to keep me warm in the Arctic, logically. I think I'm getting sick too. Damn.

My head hurts. I think I need sleep now.
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired and sick
Current Music: None! Gasp!
 
 
skathach
12 July 2005 @ 12:10 am
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU YOU STUPID FUCKING FAT COW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO SMASH YOUR HEAD THROUGH FUCKING PLATE GLASS WINDOW!!!!!!!!!

DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEYOUSTUPIDFUCKINGFATWHORE!! DO THE WORLD A FUCKING FAVOUR AND DIE!!!!!!!!!

STUPID, FAT, HIDEOUS, STUPID, PATHETIC, OBESE, MORONIC, SELF-CENTRED, IDIOTIC, DISGUSTING, COWARDLY, CONCEITED, FAT USELESS SLOB!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
Current Mood: angryangry
 
 
skathach
22 June 2005 @ 08:36 pm
I am totally wired. I had a mug of green tea earlier, and the caffeine in it is totally going to me. I haven't been drinking much Diet Coke lately, so maybe that's why. Now I'm listening to something heavier than stupid New-Agey crap, I'm happy.

Seriously, I love being a witch and all, but FUCK this whole "balance, light, love, cheeful, self-deluding, pretend the Gods give a fuck about me" attitude that the Wiccan community seems to have just gets fucking ANNOYING. Give me Crowley over most of that lot anyway. Next lot of books I get, I am so getting some Golden Dawn books. All your Regardie and Mathers are belong to us!

See what I mean about being wired?

Sigh. I wish I could be aggressive. I had a great dream last night, I smashed myself (I was like 2 people, funny, because I'm bi-polar, I swear) in the back of the head with a baseball bat. I saw my skull shatter, it was wicked. Ah, the depths of self-loathing that I feel. Seriously, I just want to smash the living shit out of me. Stupid fat fucking COW. I'm going to hurt you!

Yeah, insanity is wicked fun.


KABOOM! POP GOES THE WEASEL!
 
 
Current Mood: Hyper/aggressive
Current Music: Static-X
 
 
skathach
20 June 2005 @ 07:21 pm
Well, I finally found a better tool than a pair of scissors. It's blunt enough to hurt, but sharp enough to draw blood quite easily. What is it? The blade I removed from a sharpener this morning! I did a few small trial cuts on my hands throughout the day, and the results were pleasantly surprising.

After school was wicked. Just me and my new friend. A few cuts to my legs were enough to produce rather copious amounts of blood, which was great. They were only small cuts, too. I guess I'll have to watch it when I do my usual 15cm ones, yeah? I also discovered that I truly do love the sight of blood. I always thought is was great, but today, it was something more. I wish I could slash up my forearms, it would be beautiful...

Free period tomorrow. With any luck, I may even get my English homework done! Blah, I hate school so much. At least I have no major assignments due within the next week! :P

People annoy me ever so much. I am ill, which I suppose makes me even more ill-tempered (no pun intended) than usual, but dear Lord, I would love to be allowed to lose my temper, just once. A fun little sentence occurred to me the other day, I repeat it as a sort of mantra that allows me to focus on something mentally and thus avoid killing something;

"Neither grieved, nor vexed, nor sorrowed be."

It is a description that occurred to me when I was considering that I am allowed to neither feel or express any of those things. It helps keep me blank, numb, unfeeling. True, the downside of that is that you never feel happiness. Still, better that I never know happiness than to ever be honest, now, isn't it? Not that that is the only reason, but it's as good an excuse as any, I suppose.
 
 
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: Mad World, Gary Jules
 
 
 
skathach
19 June 2005 @ 06:24 pm
Man, I am seriously fucking sick of this idea that everyone has that I somehow think I'm perfect. I really, really don't. At all. I am the Sataniel to the human race's Gabriel, Uriel, Raphael and Michael. Fuck, I am Satan to G-d. I am not perfect, I am about as far from perfection as you can get. I am the anti-perfection. I don't know why they think that.

I wonder what they would do if they could read my thoughts. Everyone wonders how people can hurt themselves. Have you ever hated someone so much, that every time you see them, you just want to take a fucking bat to their head? You just want to hurt them, kill them, destroy them, inflict as much fucking pain on them as possible? That's how I feel every time I look in the mirror. I want to smash my reflection, smash me, destroy me, break me, HURT me. Fuck.

On a brighter note, I finished my Bio assignment! Woohoo, go me. Now I should just do my Ancient History, English, Rel..... joy. Let's not go there, yeah? I have also decided to resume my Hebrew studies. Maybe. Considering my dad's family are Jewish, it would probably be a nice gesture on my part. Wait a sec, since when am I ever bothered by niceties? Ah well, first time for everything isn't there?

My neck hurts like all fuck. I am pretty sure I am getting the 'flu', just my luck. Fan-bloody-tastic timing, too! I have way too much work at the moment to afford getting sick. Actually, in that vein, I'd better stop wasting my time rambling about something interesting, and go ramble about something boring for school.

I lie. It's Ancient History. Never boring. ;)

Shalom!
 
 
Current Mood: stressedStressed
Current Music: Grada
 
 
skathach
14 June 2005 @ 06:57 pm
Fuck  
First, the most brilliantly applicable song of the moment;

"You think you're smart
you're not, it's plain to see
that you want me to
fall off, it's killing me
let's see you've got the gall
come take it all

the jury is coming
coming to tear me apart
all this bitching and moaning
come on it's on

i'm stuck in this world
lonely and fading
heart broken waiting
for you to come
we are trapped in this world
that's not meant for me
for me

so what you got?
one last shot
it seems to me that you're not needed
come on it's killing me
let's see you've got the call
come take it all

the jury is coming
coming to tear me apart
all this bitching and moaning
come on it's on

i'm trapped in this world
lonely and fading
heart broken waiting
for you to come
we are trapped in this world
that's not meant for me
for me

come on, it's on
come on, it's on
come on, it's on
come on, it's on

i'm trapped in this world
lonely and fading
heart broken waiting
for you to come
we are trapped in this world
that's not meant for me
for me..."
~ Not Meant for Me, Static-X


Well, today was a complete bastard of a day. Unfortunately, I can't comment, because I now know that there are people who know me that read this journal (Stacey and Bri are bitches!), so let me just say;


AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU STUPID MORONS!!! STOP TRYING TO RUIN MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!


On the bright side, nice to know my lying abilites are still as great as ever. Fuck.
 
 
Current Mood: enragedDestructively angry
Current Music: QotD Soundtrack
 
 
skathach
13 June 2005 @ 10:05 pm
I just had the most brilliant thought. It came to me whilst looking at my MSN display pic of the ever gorgeous mick, Stuart Townsend. As far as self-mutilation goes, I haven't done any words for ages. What better than "Lestat?" It would be perfect!

The only problem is where to put it... My forearm would be the best place, obviously. Unfortunately, that can hardly be explained as an encounter with a fence. I still can't believe they were all stupid enough to buy that one! I can take great pride in my lying abilities, evidently. *smiles*

Now I just have to find somewhere to put it. I thought I had better write it down before I forget, as I am so prone to doing.










Side-track; not only is Stuart Townsend seriously fine, I'm developing quite a thing for Ville Valo... Odd.
 
 
Current Mood: creativecreative
Current Music: HIM- And Love Said No
 
 
skathach
13 June 2005 @ 08:49 pm
Screw what I said previously. I can't do this. I don't want to go back to being a fat blimp. Maybe when I reach my GW I'll reconsider, but before then.... I just can't. It's too late now, I have eaten so much today. So, tomorrow I guess I'll be "sick." If I go 0 cals tomorrow, maybe I can work towards balancing out this fucked up idiocy.

I feel weird. Even more numb than usual. I doubt it has any significance, though. I hate it when I am in moods like this, it it too risky. I get so spacey, I actually can't tell what's real and what's not, even more so than usual. Of course, this leads to problems when I encounter people. I tend to say a lot more than I ever ought to. I hate that. It's not that I am not in control, like I am always in control, I just tend to be apathetic about things. Which is extremely dangerous. If anyone ever knew the things I control, that I hide... well, it's just not going to happen.

Hey, I just noticed I got a comment before! Woohoo, holy shit, someone has read this. I am shocked, truly, I am. This is almost like getting attention! I wish MD would pay attention to me. Oh well.

Man, this sucks. I am having a conversation with a lad from school, coincidentally one that I think is rather fit, and he is being really.... cold. I know I am the fat, ugly loser of the school and all, but still, he isn't usually like this. I could act hurt, but I'm not allowed to demonstrate emotion in such a manner. Hell, even this LJ is practically illicit, for all intents and purposes. Not that I can actually express myself here anyone. 1, I can't express myself except for cutting and restricting, and 2, it's too risky.

Wow, seems I actually learned my lesson for once.
 
 
Current Mood: blankNumb/Nothing
Current Music: The Piano Soundtrack
 
 
skathach
13 June 2005 @ 05:41 pm
God, I barely know what to think anymore. I was reading an old favourite of mine this morning, one of the books that was most influential in shaping my beliefs, and all I could think about was how much I missed that. Happiness has always been within those books in my cupboard, the occult paraphenalia that I collect.

On a cheerful note, I bought a new book today (and not on e-bay! Gasp!); The Tarot Workbook by Juliet Sharman-Burke. It looks like it should be good for helping me brush up on my tarot skills, which is always a good thing. I need more time, there are just not enough hours in the day for me to do everything I want to! Says the chick sitting here writing pointless drivel... Hmmmmmm. :P

On a less cheerful note, the next few days are going to be hell. I am going to have to eat around 1200-1500 cals for the next few days, for 2 reasons; 1) I want to get my metabolism up and running again, so I can restrict more efficiently, and lose these 15 bloody kilo's!, and 2) everyone has been seriously examining my eating habits lately. Stupid hypocrites. Tell me how fat, ugly, disgusting and repulsive I am, but then when I do something about it, they all attack me for it! It annoys me so much...

I think I have more or less kicked the cutting habit. I don't know, I don't particularly WANT to, I just never seem to have time. Although she'll probably set me off again, she usually manages to. No, I don't think I have stopped cutting, I'm just waiting to get my hands on better methods. Dull blades are fine and dandy as far as pain goes, but they just don't cause enough damage, and it takes too long. Besides, if I do more cuts, even if they hurt less as individuals, it should all work out, right?

Bah. Life sucks.
 
 
Current Mood: annoyedAnnoyed
Current Music: Amelie Soundtrack