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20 June 2005 @ 07:21 pm
Something old, something new  
Well, I finally found a better tool than a pair of scissors. It's blunt enough to hurt, but sharp enough to draw blood quite easily. What is it? The blade I removed from a sharpener this morning! I did a few small trial cuts on my hands throughout the day, and the results were pleasantly surprising.

After school was wicked. Just me and my new friend. A few cuts to my legs were enough to produce rather copious amounts of blood, which was great. They were only small cuts, too. I guess I'll have to watch it when I do my usual 15cm ones, yeah? I also discovered that I truly do love the sight of blood. I always thought is was great, but today, it was something more. I wish I could slash up my forearms, it would be beautiful...

Free period tomorrow. With any luck, I may even get my English homework done! Blah, I hate school so much. At least I have no major assignments due within the next week! :P

People annoy me ever so much. I am ill, which I suppose makes me even more ill-tempered (no pun intended) than usual, but dear Lord, I would love to be allowed to lose my temper, just once. A fun little sentence occurred to me the other day, I repeat it as a sort of mantra that allows me to focus on something mentally and thus avoid killing something;

"Neither grieved, nor vexed, nor sorrowed be."

It is a description that occurred to me when I was considering that I am allowed to neither feel or express any of those things. It helps keep me blank, numb, unfeeling. True, the downside of that is that you never feel happiness. Still, better that I never know happiness than to ever be honest, now, isn't it? Not that that is the only reason, but it's as good an excuse as any, I suppose.
 
 
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